i hate when people say "i don't like sleeping. you miss so much being asleep." personally I'd much rather be asleep than I'm awake. I prefer the alternate reality of dreaming rather the real world. Anything can happen in my dreams but life puts so many limits on everyday life.
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- Mood:
sleepy - Music:if you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?
I don't spend my nights searching for earthquakes, It's biblical how fucked my sleep can be But she won't sleep with me.
i think my mind runs on jacks mannequin nowadays
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I know my family has a very interesting history of how we came to be and I enjoy hearing every story. I mean, we aren't incestual(is that a word?) or anything like that but most of the relationships I have grown up knowing were based on false pretenses. I remember being very little and finding out my nana was married to my papa before I was born and I remember thinking "no way!" that couldn't be. My papa was always married to my grandmama and my nana was always married to my dad (in actuality we aren't related at all, I just grew up without my actual father). Anyway, a few years ago I found out my mother had an abortion when I was five. About a year or two ago I found out my aunt was my uncle's secretary and he was married at the time but she got pregnant and they ended up getting married. Interesting, right? I'm sure there are more details but I'm bored of typing on my iPod. I also found out my other uncle cheated on my aunt with her best friend. But most recently I have discovered one of my step aunts who has never really been nice to me(don't get me wrong, she's a very nice lady and she gave me a lovely cousin to mess with, but I have found myself unable to bond with her unlike her sister and brother). I found out she got pregnant st sixteen and was told to have an abortion or she would no longer be a member of the family. Of course this all happened 20 years or longer before I was born, I just found it all hard to wrap my head around. And last but not least I uncovered the fact my papa got a girl pregnant at age sixteen and he only paid her fifty dollars a month and once he married my nana he quit even sending her that. My nana didn't even mind he had a child, she actually thought it was horrible he quit sending that little amount. I feel right sorry about airing my family's dirty laundry but I don't think anyone reads this anyway but I had to get it off my mind somehow. Just had that
feeling.
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- Location:my mind
2- Physical Science H
3- AP World History
4- French 3 H
5- Algebra 2 CP
6- Driver's Ed(first semester), Drama(second semester)
7- English 2 Honors
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I used to really like Film Crit, because the teacher was really awesome, but he quit. I was really looking forward to having Physical Science because I really hoped I owuld have a good teacher, but no. I get the worst teacher in the whole entire school. AP is good, I like the teacher a lot and a lot of my friends are in there. French is okay too. I hate math. I hate it. Absolutely detest it. Eh, not much to say about Driver's Ed. English sucks.
FML!
- Location:United States
- Mood:
blah
- Mood:
bouncy
of course you can.
ekk! my life is amazing : )
i love how the day we finally know we like each other, we end up matching.
i love how i've liked you since like the first grade and i wait 8 years for you to finally like me back, and you tell me that you do.
but i absolutely hate how you like two people! and i hate that you tell me, and then we act like we never met before.
- Mood:
anxious
So, when was the last time I updated? September I think? Oh, my. So much has happened.
Drama? Not so much.
New friends? Sure.
Freshmen trips? FOR SURE!
Good grades? Sure.
So last week was the trip to Orlando for freshmen. It was so much fun! And it really gave me a chance to think about who I really liked.
Sure, I had crushes here and there from September to now. Matt? Yeah. Sam? Yeah, sort of. I haven't figured that out yet. Will? Yeah.
Have I been asked out? Yeah. Jacob has. Aubrey has. Jose has. I'm sure some others have, but I can't remember them. SO ANYWAY. On the Florida trip, Cameron sat in front of Jordyn and me on the bus. I sat in the window seat, and Jordyn on the aisle seat. Across the aisle was Joseph and then Garrison. We left at 4 am so we were all pretty much half dead. But around 6:30 everyone started to really wake up, and the bus started to really come alive. The back of the bus was mostly all guys and it got pretty loud, especially after we stopped for breakfast. We watched Iron Man and when that was over, we watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and by the time that was halfway over we stopped in Saint Augustine to tour the fort. I thought it was actually interesting. We did certainly have an entertaining time.
After Saint Augustine, we watched The Dark Knight. I dozed in and out through that. And just as I really fell asleep, Joseph woke me up. Medieval Times was fun, I guess. I can say I have that experience under my belt and I don't ever have to go through that again.
The next day we went to Epcot! It was so much fun. Everyone said that it was going to be really boring, but it was actually really fun. Saturday was Valentine's Day and we were at Island of Adventure and we had so much fun there. It got me really thinking.
- Mood:
good
You're talking to her over comments on myspace just because you I look at your page. You talk to me over myspace messages so people won't see. You tell me to be happy, but when I reply to your message saying "I am happy!" You don't even bother to read it. YEAHHHH. You're cool.
In the back of my mind, I knew this would happen. Eventually. But you know what? Good things come to those who can. And I never did anything wrong and it's not my fault we're over. It's yours. And the girl you're going around with now, I don't hate her. It just hurts to see her because she makes you happy and I can't anymore. I probably never could. But whatever. I'm going to look out for her when you go and break her heart just like you did to me.
I'm donee!
Don't break up with me because "you don't love me enough to deal with the problems." Yeah? Maybe I'm sick of your shit, too. I knew this was coming but it hurts a lot worse than I thought it would. You just can't break up with me and then decide "Oh, okay we're going to be best friends like you and Adam are!" NO. I don't work that way. I don't fall completely in love with you, just to have you be like "Nah, I don't love you anymore."
OH AND BY THE WAY- You're a douchebag. I thought you were completely different than other boys, but you're not. We had been broken up for like two hours and you were already hitting on another girl? YOU KNOW THAT'S FUCKING LOW. LOW. LOW.
Then I'm going to instant message you, asking if you want the keychain you gave me for my birthday back and you tell me no because you don't want to feel bad. WHAT THE FUCK. WE JUST BROKE UP AND YOU 1. ARE ALREADY FLIRTING, 2. DON'T WANT TO FEEL BAD? WRONG. I will make you feel bad. I don't care how immature I'm going to be. So after you sign off, telling me "see you tomorrow, my friend." I'm sitting here feeling like complete shit because you're so immature and I go and I talk to my Dad because he's there for me(oh and ps- he's always completely disliked you.) and I come back and I have a text message from you that says "I'll miss you. I really will. Goodnight." NO. Don't get me wrong, I like you telling me these things, but come on. You want me to move on and date other people? Then make me let go. Then you tell me you won't sleep, and you're breaking out tears, but breaking up was neccasary? NO THE FUCK IT WASN'T. You just can't deal with problems.
I can't chase you anymore because it won't do me any good at all. All those things you told me meant nothing. You wouldn't even hug me one last time, just for me to say goodbye. Whatever. I'm saying goodbye now. I don't want to be your good friend for awhile because you really hurt me, more than you know and could ever understand.
- Mood:
stressed
So I started high school on Tuesday, and so far I absolutely love it. Here is my schedule.
1. Geometry CP - Cooper
2. Music Apperciation- Sullivan
3. English 1 Honors- Bell
4. French 2 CP- Vanneste
-Second lunch-
-go back to Fourth-
5. Biology CP- Hart
6. PE- Schumacher
7. AP Human Geography- Eversole
My day goes by so fast, and I have a lot of good classes with a lot of my friends. My seventh period is the most amazing class, EVER. All of my friends are in that class and the teacher is absolutely hilarious.
- Mood: bored
I'm screaming "WHAT? WHAT? NO. NO." and I'm on the phone with Jordyn. My line beeps, and it's Oryza, saying "Mallory, HEATH LEDGER DIED! I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW YOU LOVED HIM." I tell her I'll call her back, and tell the same to Jordyn.
I cry really, really hard because they show pictures of him and his daughter and my Nana tells me we're going to my favorite resturant to eat on Thursday, and I start to cry again because it hits me, he'll never know his daughter grow up, and she'll never know him, and he'll never get to do anything again. I can't say he's cute anymore because I'll never see him in anymore movies. I call Jordyn sobbing and stuck up my tears, and I think "Oh, he's just an actor." Well, the next day I cry, and Wednesday I cry too. Thursday and Friday as well. I watched Brokeback Mountain with Nana on Wednesday and I laugh at him, and I start to cry again because I know I'll never laugh at him again, and he'll never laugh again.
It really sucks losing your hero, your idol, your favorite actor. I don't know why it's hitting me so hard, like it's to the point I can't sleep at night because it bothers me so bad. It's all I think about during school. Like, in science all Mr. Burdick was talking about was Austrailia and all I thought was "Heath Ledger." I'm pretty sure something is wrong with me, like, I'm sure it'll pass soon, but I don't know what I'm going to do. Nana feels bad for me, and she's doing everything for me to make me feel better, and normally when I cry at a movie or something, she tells me to stop, but lately she hasn't when I cry over this. Maybe, I'm just being too over-dramatic.
:/
- Mood: anxious
I am a mess, a pure mess. I prefer not to write and let anyone see it because it's terrible and I can't stand myself anymore. I know how pathetic that sounds, and I can't fix it. I don't know what is up with Zach and I. It feels like I don't have a boyfriend anymore and I feel as if I can't tell him that because I don't know how he'll react. I honestly am so stressed with school, and I have the best friends in the entire world.
k.
kyrsten, i know we haven't talked in FOREVER. i don't even know if you know my aim anymore
malllloryy <-- aim.
- Location:paris, france (butonlynotrly)
- Mood:
uncomfortable - Music:the tv.
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